Seriously, why would you ever?
1. They'll totally clash with your well-curated living room furniture.
2. They won't let you pet them. Ever!
3. They will not bask in the glow of your compliments.
4. They detest being held. All of 'em.
5. And you're going to HATE snuggling up with them.
6. They refuse to participate in your favorite holidays.
7. They suck at dancing. I mean, are you kidding me with those body rolls?
8. And won't cheer you on as you dance while they're taking a breather.
9. They never make equally adorable friends.
10. They'll refuse to lend a paw to help with your entrepreneurial endeavors.
11. They're not here for your suffocating love.
12. They'll never help you get dressed for big events like you're a cartoon princess.
13. They look hideous while snuggling with other cats.
14. And in case you have to evacuate the planet for one reason or another, they absolutely would NOT thrive in a spaceship environment.
So please heed my advice and never, ABSOLUTELY ever, adopt a cat. They're clearly the worst!